Hope, Play, and Possibility Through DIRFloortime®

On Episode 322…

David Raphael is a social worker and was the co-founder of the former Floortime Foundation, a national organization advancing relationship-based interventions. He is here to discuss his first book, A Miracle of the Heart: A Father and Son’s Autism Journey, co-written with his son Jacob and published on July 1 of this year. He has published essays on his family’s experience of autism in the peer-reviewed Zero to Three journal, and has delivered keynote presentations at national gatherings of autism professionals, educators, and parents, and has met with multiple parent groups on autism advocacy, DIRFloortime®, and finding meaning through caregiving.

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More About David Raphael

David Raphael is a graduate of the Columbia University School of Social Work, and Albany University. He co-founded and was the executive director of the Jewish Grandparents Network and held multiple positions with Hillel including an Assistant International Director. He has published essays in The Forward and eJewishPhilanthropy and his writing also appears in his blog The Amherst Court Jester and his Substack Love, Laugh, Heal. He lives in Atlanta, Georgia.

How It Started…

David and his wife Jo’s third child and first son, Jacob, was born in 1991. Within a year, they started noticing that things were different about him. He had some speech, he lost the speech, he became very isolated, he couldn’t stand noises, and it really got worse and worse like that classic description of autism. They took him for an evaluation at a child development center and received a diagnosis of PDD-NOS, or Pervasive Development Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified, which was autism.

David and Jo weren’t told what to do, who to speak to, and had no idea what to do next. Autism wasn’t certainly nowhere near as prevalent or known as it is today. It was a very, very sad time for them. They informed their daughter’s principal at school what was going on in case the girls acted out. The principal coincidentally had a meeting that night with somebody who works with autism in kids.

The next day, which was sometime in October or November of 1993, the principal sent some articles home with David’s daughters, all written by Drs. Stanley Greenspan and Serena Wieder. They made incredible sense to David and his wife, so they made an appointment with Dr. Greenspan for the following April. At that time, David shares, Dr. Greenspan had calling hours where he would call parents at night to answer questions.

A couple weeks later, David was out of town and his wife, Jo, received a phone call at 11:00 PM. She heard, “This is Dr. Greenspan. What’s your problem?” As Jo explained, he said, “Well, you have to come see me,” to which she replied, “I want to come see me see you, but you have no openings until April.” Dr. Greenspan said, “I have a cancellation this Saturday. Be there.” David and Jo went with Jacob.

The Tides Turn

David and Jo arrived at Dr. Greenspan’s home where he hoisted a huge video camera on his shoulder and asked them to play with Jacob. Then, he told them he was going to teach them how to play. Two things happened, David shares, that he remembers so distinctly:

Jacob didn’t want to leave. He screamed. This was the first time he felt that he had a connection.
At the end of the session, Dr. Greenspan said, “You should place no limit on Jacob’s potential. He may not go to MIT, but he just might.“

David says that that was 32 years ago and he still remembers those words. They returned the following week and Dr. Greenspan gave them the prescription and the path forward that included a lot of therapy and day and night doing Floortime. Jacob was mainstream by the time he entered Kindergarten at age 5 with no supports. Some years later he graduated college as a Georgia Hope Scholar in recognition of his scholastic achievement with a major in creative writing and a minor in philosophy.

Diving In Head First

Certainly back in the early 1990s, David shares, the world wasn’t a place where people were being mindful of the differences such as when Jacob was flapping his arms. People would tell him to stop. When he couldn’t sit still in his classroom, the teacher got angry. They had to help him find a place to meet the rest of the world. The initial elements of that, David explains, was the ability to make and sustain human connections. Jacob was really isolated in his own world until they began following his lead in Floortime to create those basic connections.

The next steps involved developing Jacob’s capacity for symbolic thinking. When David and Jo asked Dr. Greenspan when Jacob would speak, he told them that speaking is the icing on the cake, and that what he was seeing is that until a child develops that capacity to have symbolic thinking, words don’t mean anything. So they worked on that a lot. David credits DIRFloortime® in its entirety for this progress. They embraced it full-time because it was so joyful to see Jacob progress.

Understanding Individual Differences and Embracing Strengths

David explains that one of the greatest contributions of Dr. Stanley Greenspan and Dr. Serena Wieder was shifting the understanding of autism away from being viewed primarily as an intellectual disability and toward recognizing the central role of sensory processing differences. Once Jacob’s sensory challenges were better understood and supported, many new developmental possibilities opened.

While Jacob continues to experience sensory differences and is proudly autistic, the goal was never to make him “normal.” Instead, the focus was helping him understand the world in a way that made sense for him while allowing his strengths and gifts to emerge. David sees how autistic people often experience and organize the world differently, and believes that those differences can be tremendous strengths rather than be seen as deficits.

David shared that Jacob still exhibits what some people label as “odd behaviours,” but that they can also be viewed as expressions of genuine joy. Rather than trying to eliminate these characteristics, families and professionals should appreciate the unique ways autistic people experience happiness and engagement. DIRFloortime® supports children in becoming the fullest version of themselves rather than trying to make them appear neurotypical.

David believes that the greatest element of Jake’s growth over the years is his embracing of his autistic identity and owning all that it brings.

You might say (Jacob) has a difficult time modulating his emotions. On the other hand, you might say that he has a wonderful capacity for pure, visceral joy, a quality that many people in our society could benefit from. In general, I believe the same issues that made it so difficult for Jacob to learn to connect with others provide him with special gifts.

David Raphael, Author & DIR® Parent

The Story Behind the Book

David explains that the book evolved over many years. As Jacob reached important milestones, including travelling independently, attending college, earning his driver’s license, and spending time in Israel, David wrote essays reflecting on each stage of their journey. Eventually, these essays were brought together into a book. When Jacob pointed out that the manuscript mostly reflected his father’s perspective, David invited him to contribute his own writing. Jacob wrote personal reflections following each chapter, creating a dialogue between them.

DIRFloortime as a Way of Living

Rather than viewing DIRFloortime® simply as an intervention, David describes it as a philosophy for living. He explains that meaningful relationships require full presence. Whether interacting with a child, family member, colleague, or client, being emotionally available in the moment is essential, David reflects. This principle extends beyond therapy sessions into everyday life. The quality of attention we give one another becomes the foundation for connection, trust, and growth for all of us.

Why Symbolic Thinking Matters

David credits years of imaginative Floortime play with supporting Jacob to develop exceptional creativity and abstract thinking. Much of their play involved inventing elaborate stories together rather than relying on toys or structured activities. He believes this type of emotionally connected pretend play helped cultivate Jacob’s love of writing and his remarkable ability to think symbolically, which cannot be taught through rote learning or drills. It develops through rich, playful, emotionally meaningful interactions. The countless hours spent following Jacob’s interests gradually helped reorganize his nervous system and strengthen communication, thinking, and relationships.

Entering the Child’s World

David recalls that Jacob had gradually withdrawn from interaction because connecting with others had become confusing and overwhelming. Rather than expecting Jacob to adapt to the adult world first, the family learned to enter Jacob’s world. By respecting whatever interested him, such as dropping pennies into a coin bank, they discovered opportunities for shared attention, emotional connection, and reciprocal communication.

The Emotional Experience of Parenting

David shared that parents like us often measure progress in tiny increments while constantly worrying about regression or whether they are doing enough. Many carry an ongoing fear that they are missing something important or failing their child. He also shared how Jacob’s diagnosis reawakened unresolved grief from the death of his own father when David was 19. Rather than allowing that grief to become paralyzing, he gradually transformed it into motivation to become deeply involved in Jacob’s development.

David believes one of DIRFloortime’s greatest strengths is recognizing parents as active members of the developmental team. Rather than viewing professionals as the primary agents of change, DIR® empowers parents to become confident, engaged partners in supporting their child’s development. I brought up how Dr. Kathy Platzman pointed out in a past episode that this can put a heavy responsibility on parents who can also assume that any lack of progress must somehow be their fault. David said that Dr. Greenspan didn’t let you off the hook as a parent. He pushed.

We talked about how every autistic child and family is different with different circumstances and that outcomes will naturally vary and how we can’t, as parents, compare ourselves to another family’s journey. We also discussed how schools are a major source of stress and an impediment to development and if they could be more supportive of every child’s learning, it would take some weight off of parents who struggle the most.

The Power of Shared Moments

Whether playing together before sunrise on a train, hiking through the mountains, or simply walking hand in hand, David explains that these experiences became far more valuable than any developmental progress because meaningful relationships are built one shared moment at a time.

Zeno was not with us on that walk. Neither were my fears and anxieties, nor my plans and visions for the future. They would all be back the next day, but for that one glorious moment, it was just the simple pleasure of a father and son walking hand in hand in the wonderful intoxicating dance of human interaction.

David Raphael, from the Chapter, "Zeno's Paradox"

Finding Community

David and I discussed the importance of finding community for both parents and autistic individuals. Parents can connect with others who truly understand our experiences. David says that Jacob has found tremendous value in connecting with other autistic adults who have helped him better understand his own identity and experiences. David encourages families to seek out supportive communities and reminds listeners that sharing stories offers hope to others who may feel alone. He also encourages parents to contact him.

Find the book here:

You can go to the book’s website here or find the book on Amazon and other book sellers by searching for “A Miracle of the Heart: A Father and Son’s Autism Journey.”

This episode’s PRACTICE TIP:

Let’s cherish the shared moments of joy with our children.

For example: The next time you worry about the future, or feel down about what your child can’t do, do something together that you both enjoy, and that brings you both smiles. Savour the connection.

Thank you to David Raphael for sharing his incredible DIRFloortime® journey of his family through this fabulous new book. I hope you’ll pick up a copy! If you found this episode enjoyable, please consider sharing it on social media!

Until next time, here’s to choosing play and experiencing joy every day!

* Thank you to Toronto recording artist Ayria and Danish recording artists The Foreign Resort for the song permissions.