PHOTO CREDIT: Blue Spectrum Band
Episode 318
My guests this episode are Gwen and Gene Harshaw. At 4 years old their son Zayne was diagnosed with autism and his parents were told that he would never be able to read, button his shirt, zip zippers or tie his shoes, or connect with other people. His parents found strength through Zayne’s gifts instead of focusing on his weaknesses. Today, Zayne is a member of the band Blue Spectrum, which is the ICDL’s house band. The Harshaw family are autism acceptance advocates through their public speaking engagements and volunteer roles where they offer guidance, provide hope, and build families’ confidence and capacity, and a “vision of possibility.”
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Episode Highlights
Here are some of the highlights of this episode:
- Gwen and Gene’s son Zayne was diagnosed with autism at age four and they were given discouraging predictions about his future which proved to be inaccurate.
- Rather than focusing solely on deficits, his parents gradually learned to pay attention to his interests, strengths, and passions, which led them to discover his extraordinary musical ability.
- Following a child’s lead means creating opportunities for their interests to develop naturally and seeing where those interests may lead.
- Zayne’s passion for guitar became much more than a talent. Music supported his confidence, emotional expression, social connections, and overall development.
- Their journey highlighted how easy it can be for parents to overlook or dismiss strengths when they are overwhelmed by negative predictions and fears about the future.
- Gene shares the unique emotional experience many fathers face after an autism diagnosis, including grieving expectations they had for their child’s future while learning to embrace and understand the child they have.
- Building a meaningful relationship often requires adults to enter the child’s world rather than expecting the child to adapt to theirs. Paying attention and following interests became the foundation of connection between father and son.
- Community support played a critical role throughout the family’s journey. Parent groups, autism organizations, a supportive school, and peer connections helped the family navigate challenges and find resources.
- The episode emphasizes that success stories do not erase ongoing challenges. As an adult, Zayne still experiences anxiety, developmental hurdles, and areas where he requires support and encouragement.
- Difficult experiences and periods of struggle can sometimes become catalysts for growth, self-discovery, and the development of new strengths. Zayne’s deeper connection with music emerged during a particularly challenging period of social isolation and unhappiness.
- Relationships, connection, and a sense of belonging are recurring themes throughout the conversation, reflecting many of the principles of DIRFloortime®.
- The Harshaw family’s advocacy work grew organically from their desire to offer hope to other families and to challenge limiting assumptions about what autistic individuals may achieve.
- Their community initiative, Band Together Central Ohio, provides an autism-friendly open mic environment where people of all abilities can share their talents, build confidence, and form meaningful relationships.
- The episode ultimately serves as a reminder that development is a process, not a prediction, and that supporting strengths, interests, relationships, and community can open possibilities that no one could have anticipated.
You can find Blue Spectrum Band online on Facebook and Instagram.
You can find Gene’s father’s support group here and Dr. Robert Naseef and Dr. Michael Hannon’s father’s support group here.
You can hear Zayne on the podcast Gene mentioned here.
I had to see where his interests were and humble myself. When I tell the other fathers, you kind of see this light go on because we’re just not accustomed to that. Our fathers are the ones that we look up to. So when you’re the father, you think that you’re supposed to be looked up to. To reverse that is a very humbling experience. But it’s the love that you have for your child and wanting him to be–him or her–to be the best that they could be that they, regardless of their diagnosis, have a right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, as we all do, to live their best life. The light comes on that it’s required of you to take that position to lower yourself.
This episode’s PRACTICE TIP:
Let’s reflect on whether we’re paying attention.
For example: Are we noticing what our children are drawn to? Are we aware of their interests? Can we find a way to provide them with all they need to explore those interests?
Thank you to the Harshaw’s for sharing their fabulous journey with us! I hope that you will check out Zayne’s music online or in person soon! If so, please consider sharing this episode on social media.
Until next time, here’s to choosing play and experiencing joy every day!
Thank you to Toronto recording artist Ayria for the intro/outro song permission.
