On Episode 317…
Returning guest Julia Swaigen is a registered social worker in Toronto who founded and directs Attuned Families, a clinic to help families harness the power of relationships so that parents find peace and children thrive. They offer family therapy, child therapy, parent coaching, and also work with schools. Julia is here to discuss the release of her new book entitled, You Are My Home: Stories of Attunement.
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Inspiration for the Book
Julia was inspired to write the book by Dr. Gordon Neufeld’s attachment-based developmental approach. The idea stayed with her for years before finally becoming a published book. She describes it as a project she felt deeply called to create. It would not leave her alone until it was finished.
A Book for Children and Their Caregivers
The book is intended for families, especially those with young children or parents expecting a baby. Julia explains that while children can enjoy the stories independently, the book is designed to be shared between caregivers and children. The stories contain relatively few words and are meant to evoke feelings of connection, safety, and belonging rather than teach explicit lessons. A caregiver guide at the back helps adults understand the developmental and attachment concepts behind the stories.
Building Connection Through Storytime
Julia’s goal was to create a book that supports attachment and attunement during everyday reading routines. In a world full of distractions, she hopes the stories encourage families to slow down, be present with one another, and nurture a sense of connection. Storytime becomes more than reading words. It becomes an opportunity to strengthen relationships and create lasting emotional memories, she believes.
The Importance of Community
Beyond the book, Julie discusses mental health and the importance of community. She shares how Attuned Families is building “The Attuned Village,” a parenting and caregiver support community that offers educational resources, events, and opportunities for connection. She emphasizes that parenting was never meant to be done alone and that strong support networks are essential for both caregivers and children to thrive.
Parenting Beyond Diagnoses
We talked about how receiving an autism or other developmental diagnosis can sometimes shift parents’ focus entirely toward therapies, appointments, and interventions. Julia acknowledges that these supports are important but stresses that families must not lose sight of the foundational relationship with their child. She explains that children benefit enormously from caregivers simply being present, playing together, and enjoying one another without constantly trying to fix, teach, or improve something.
Returning to the Foundation
Julia notes that many families become overwhelmed by managing appointments, educational plans, and support systems. In her work, she continually brings parents back to the basics: connection, play, attunement, and relationship. These relational foundations support healthy social, emotional, and cognitive development and often make other developmental work more effective.
The Value of Physical Books
Julia explains that the stories are inspired by Neufeld’s developmental model of attachment and are accompanied by watercolor illustrations designed to evoke warmth, closeness, and emotional connection. She also believes in the importance of reading together.
Julia expresses concern about increasing screen use and its impact on children’s mental health and development. She believes that reading physical books with caregivers not only supports early literacy skills, but also fosters a love of reading and strengthens emotional bonds. She even stressed that although the publisher required an eBook version, she hopes families will choose the printed book instead.
Understanding Attachment Across Development
The caregiver guide in the back of the book outlines the primary attachment needs of children at different ages and stages. Julia explains that attachment needs evolve as children grow, but they never disappear. While there is significant attention given to bonding during infancy, many parents receive little guidance on how attachment continues to develop through childhood. The guide helps caregivers understand how to stay connected as their children’s needs become more sophisticated.
Supporting Caregivers
Julia and I discussed the immense pressures many caregivers face, particularly parents of children with additional needs. Julia acknowledges that caregiving is genuinely hard and that stress and guilt are often unavoidable. Drawing from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), she encourages parents to focus on living according to their values rather than striving for perfection. By accepting what they cannot control and aligning their choices with what matters most, caregivers can reduce feelings of overwhelm.
Julia explains that when parents understand their priorities and focus their energy on building strong relationships, they often find that they can let go of unnecessary pressures. Rather than working harder, they begin working more intentionally. Strong attachment and attunement help caregivers see where their efforts are most needed and where they can release unrealistic expectations.
The Power of Play and Presence
I commented on how much learning happens naturally through play and relationships. Julia encourages parents to step away from constant teaching and achievement-focused thinking and instead embrace playful, respectful, and enjoyable interactions with their children. These moments of connection are not distractions from development, but are the foundation of it, she says.
You Are the One Your Child Needs Most
Julia wishes to share a powerful reminder to parents that every child needs their parent. She wants parents to trust their importance in their child’s life and recognize the value of simply showing up with love, connection, and presence. While parenting can be demanding and exhausting, the relationship itself remains one of the most important influences on a child’s development and well-being.
This episode’s PRACTICE TIP:
Let’s work on how we want to “show up” for our children.
For example: Let’s read with our child most nights and take the time to “just be” with them so they feel loved and accepted.
I hope you are excited about Julia’s new book and will consider purchasing it. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider sharing it on social media!
Until next time, here’s to choosing play and experiencing joy every day!
