From Control to Connection: One Educator’s Transformation Through DIRFloortime®

PHOTO CREDIT: Andres Ayrton

Episode 298

On this episode, number 298, DIRFloortime® provider Stacy Duffy, a Special Educator in South Africa joins us to discuss her transformational journey as a teacher from control to connection through DIRFloortime®. Stacey is the mother of two boys who has devoted her career to bridging the gap between neurodivergent and neurotypical people by raising awareness on both sides. She recently presented at the ICDL DIRFloortime® Conference on this topic, and I wanted to share her insights with my audience because I was truly struck by how deeply she captured the heart of what DIR is all about.

You can also subscribe on your preferred podcast app by searching, “We chose play from Affect Autism”

Becoming a Special Education Teacher

Stacey always knew she wanted to be a teacher and when she got a little bit older and started to express that, her family was horrified and tried to speak her out of being a teacher, saying it’s way too much work and that she was going to be broke. So Stacey listened and studied corporate communication, but was miserable and dropped out. Eventually she went back to school for teaching and absolutely loved it and felt in alignment.

In her first jobs, she found herself in smaller schools with neurodivergent children and neurotypical children and really loved it. But it was at those schools that she really fell in love with special education. She could always see in the students’ eyes that there was so much going on in their minds and they just couldn’t express. It gave her fear of missing out (FOMO). She wanted to know what was happening–especially with the non speaking students.

The other thing that really lit Stacey up was watching neurotypical people with these neurodivergent children. At that stage, neurodivergent wasn’t even a word. Autism awareness was out there if you were in the field, but people very much were still relying on the picture of Autism in the movies. When people did encounter these students, they used to recoil and were uneasy and would try to get away.

They didn’t understand. And what got to Stacey every single time was knowing that the student could feel it, which really upset her, along with the misconception that because the student has Autism, they “can’t” and there’s no discussion to be had. It would infuriate Stacey. She believed that yes, they can. The teachers just needed to figure out how. There’s always a way, Stacey believes.

Stacey reflects that her approach may have stemmed from her rebellious nature. She was determined not only to find ways to connect with her students, but also to prepare them for a world that was not yet ready for them. She explains that it was soon after this realization that she began forming deeply meaningful relationships with nonspeaking children. She knew the students were communicating, even though it wasn’t through words. This period came four or five years before she became a mother.

Stacey’s Guiding Ethos

Throughout her teaching career, Stacey had been driven by compassion and a strong desire to prepare neurodivergent students for a world that often failed to accommodate them. Her guiding ethos emphasized high expectations, understanding without pity, and readiness for real-world interactions, particularly in a South African context where inclusive practices were slower to evolve.

Stacey had such compassion, so badly wanting to bridge the gap between neurotypical and neurodivergent people and the way they interacted with each other, that she developed this working model in her teaching:

• I will have expectations of you and even you will see that you can meet them.
• I see you, I value you, and I will go out of my way to understand you.
• I will show you no pity because you are Autistic, not pitiful.

She shared a pivotal story from her time as a school head involving a highly capable Autistic student who appeared neurotypical to outsiders. When he directed an insult at her during a moment of dysregulation, Stacey responded with a deliberately dramatic and firm reaction. Her goal was not punishment, but preparation, demonstrating how such behavior would likely be received in the broader world. At the time, this approach aligned with her mission to bridge the gap between neurodivergent individuals and societal expectations.

Discovering DIRFloortime®

Years into her career, Stacey found herself serving as the head of a special needs school in Johannesburg when she and several colleagues enrolled in a DIRFloortime® course. Although she had heard of ICDL and DIRFloortime® before, she had never explored it in depth and entered the training with no real expectations and some reluctance, largely because she did not fully understand what it involved.

From the very first session, the course profoundly unsettled her. DIR® challenged her long-held assumptions and exposed how deeply her professional identity had been rooted in control. Stacey experienced intense imposter syndrome as she found herself surrounded by occupational therapists, speech therapists, and educational psychologists. Yet through the course’s emphasis on authenticity, relationships, and observation, she began to recognize her own expertise. Years of daily, immersive work with neurodivergent learners had given Stacey a deeply valuable perspective. She valued her classmates’ contributions and realized she had unique contributions to share as well.

A turning point came during her first recorded Floortime session with an 18-year-old Autistic student who had been heavily “programmed” by previous interventions and communicated largely through scripted language. While playing at a piano together, Stacey witnessed spontaneous joy, novel sounds, and genuine back-and-forth interaction emerge for the first time. When she momentarily retreated into self-doubt and planning, she noticed the student withdraw, teaching her a powerful lesson about how her need for control disrupted their connection. She later described this moment as realizing she had metaphorically closed the door on a child who had invited her into his world.

In subsequent sessions, Stacey intentionally worked to let go of control, resisting the urge to direct, plan, or narrate. Whether jumping through hula hoops or tossing a basketball outdoors, she focused on observation, presence, and allowing play to unfold naturally. As she spoke less, the student communicated more, using spontaneous language and expressions she had never heard before. These moments crystallized for her that DIR® was something she did with children, not to them.

Bringing DIRFloortime® Into the Classroom

This shift profoundly impacted Stacey’s classroom practice. She recounted a defining incident in which she responded honestly to a student who insisted his Autism justified immediate attention. Instead of de-escalating through rehearsed strategies, she shared her own experience and limitations, allowing the student to see her as a human being rather than an authority figure. This moment of mutual dysregulation led to genuine co-regulation and permanently transformed their relationship.

Floortime Video Review

Stacey’s learning was further boosted by video reflection. In reviewing her Floortime videos, she heard things that she had missed in the moment. Her recordings turned out to be gold, she says. When she stopped to think, checking herself and figuring out the functional emotional developmental capacities (FEDCs) in the moment, it disrupted the interactions. She had to watch for the FEDCs after-the-fact on the recordings. Eventually, she said, holding these things in her head comes in time with practice.

Post DIR® Transformation

Stacey reflected that DIRFloortime® did more than change her teaching. It reshaped her parenting, her relationships, and her sense of self. She became more playful, more vulnerable, including with her own children, and more willing to let her children and students see her as a whole person. She credits DIR® with teaching her to slow down, observe deeply, and trust what emerges when control is released. She says she is a much better teacher post-DIR®.

Ultimately, Stacey emphasized that DIRFloortime®’s power lies not in jargon or technique, but in its invitation to be fully present, to observe with integrity, and to honour authentic human connection. Her message to parents and professionals alike is simple: you belong here, and growth will unfold in its own time. I shared that we are all on our own journey and we will all have light bulb moments at different times along that path.

Thank you to Stacey for sharing her transformational journey with us. If you found this episode helpful and informative, please consider sharing it on social media!

Until next time, here’s to choosing play and experiencing joy every day!