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This Episode’s Topic
This week, in Part 2, Kieran Rose and I will discuss late diagnosis and what it means. In Part 1 last week, we discussed a number of topics around neurodiversity including who to listen to as parents when our child is diagnosed with so many opinions out there, and the balance between what we want as parents for our children and what our kids actually need.
If you missed it, please check out our podcast which covered many topics including functioning labels and why they are not helpful, how people can be internalizers or externalizers, how Neurodivergence is in his infancy, theory of mind, and how context is so important when discussing anything.
Kieran was also my guest on a two-part podcast last year with Dr. Virginia Spielmann where we discussed redefining the false autism narratives including many topics such as Kieran’s personal history and diagnosis, building on strengths, ableism, the social and medical models of disability, learning from autistic self-advocates, and much more.
This Episode’s Guest
I’m pleased to welcome back autistic self-advocate, Kieran Rose, who is a published author, speaker, consultant, trainer, researcher, and neurodivergent educator in the United Kingdom who is the father of three neurodivergent children and has spoken with thousands of autistics over the last twenty years, both in a personal and professional context.
He offers online learning about understanding autistic experiences for the public, as well as offering training for organizations. His course, The Inside of Autism, is a very popular course that parents from ICDL’s parent support meetings that I facilitate have attended and found extremely helpful.
I gave an example of how I tend to ruminate on all potential outcomes in a negative way, but that for me it is not about worrying. It’s rather just about feeling prepared in case they should happen. Kieran told me in the past that this is what neurodivergent people do and that it’s called “circumstance extrapolating”. Kieran says that we do it with positive things as well when we are happy and looking forward to something. You know you’re heading in to a certain situation so you extrapolate all the possible outcomes. It’s quite an autistic and ADHD thing to do, Kieran says.
Watch what you “feed” your child
What about a child who had other disabilities, I ask Kieran. How can we compare someone who is a parent, like me, for instance, to a child who struggles with many challenges and needs a lot of support. How can we both be called, “autistic?” Kieran says that your child is not just one thing. The children we’re talking about here have other diagnoses which they’re never given because they’re never looked at and shoved under these umbrella labels, so they’re not supported in the right ways because nobody goes looking for the things they need support for. They just call it “autism.”
It’s good to identify the ways in which children need support, Kieran says. I encouraged people to go back and listen to the previous podcast with Kieran where we talked about functioning labels. In talking about executive function and ADHD as Kieran mentioned earlier, I suggested that if I am diagnosed with ADHD, for instance, I don’t think I would need medication, personally, but I do need supportive tools. I gave an example of how I will often start to cook something then get absorbed in something else and completely forget until I burn it by accident. So I set a timer in order to not forget. That is a supportive tool for me.
Kieran says that they used to say executive function was a core feature of Autism and ADHD, but he sees it as a symptom because it’s everywhere. Anyone who’s carrying stress experiences executive dysfunction. The more you meet your own needs as you age, the more control you’ll have, Kieran says. Kieran says that the bodies and brains of neurodivergent people burn out because we’re working so hard to sustain ourselves in a world where we’re surrounded by people whose needs are more met than ours.
This episode’s PRACTICE TIP:
Have you noticed that your child has many of your traits? Perhaps you were a lot like your child when you were young? Use this to fuel your connection with your child!
For example: When your child’s behaviour might trigger you, step back and take a breath. Put yourself in your child’s shoes and try to remember being in a similar situation when you were a child in order to empathize with what your child is going through. Be there for your child in a compassionate, understanding way and let them know you felt that way, too, when you were young and you’re there to be with them and support them if they need support.
A huge thanks to Kieran Rose for sharing his knowledge and informed thoughts with us! I hope that you learned something valuable and will share it on social media.
Until next time, here’s to choosing play and experiencing joy every day!
